my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
