I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
