Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
