Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
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They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
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But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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