we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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