Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
