If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
