You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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