I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
What drink are we having for lunch?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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