oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
