So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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