Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
