just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
