Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
