went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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