Im at strip club and am horny
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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