one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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