K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
