My girlfriend figured out who you are.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
