Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I have fence marks all over my body
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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