We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
