That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
