I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
