thus making me awesome and them whores
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
