I got chris browned last night
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
