i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
