Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
did i walk over a car last night?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
