John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
