I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
