I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
