I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
