we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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