i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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