You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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