So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
