____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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