Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
