I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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