We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Even my vagina gasped.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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