I look better un-naked...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
