I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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