Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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