I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
