What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
