Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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