At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
