only you would photoshop your dick
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
