Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
