Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
