Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
