My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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