I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
