You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
