i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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