if only i could text you this smell
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
