Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
