Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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