if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
