Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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