you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
