Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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