Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
