The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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