So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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