Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
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Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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